It is the eternal friendship question that has plagued our society for generations – can men and women really just be platonic friends or is there always a sexual undertone to cross-gender relationships?
Across the decades close male and female friends have found that many simply do not believe that platonic relationships are possible. Society appears to find it difficult to conceive of the ideal that a woman and a man might share a deep fondness for one other without sexual politics coming into play.
Sex Destroys Cross Gender Friendships
Certainly it appears that in our youth we openly entertain friendships with members of the opposite sex; sometimes these remain platonic, on other occasions a sexual element is introduced, often leading to the dissolution of the friendship. That said, once we “settle” into a relationship with one partner, our opposite gender friends often seem to melt away, a fairly strong sign that however open minded an individual may believe themselves to be, at the heart of the matter, deep-seated beliefs often comes into play – whether play is intended or not.
Three Quarters of Men Claim Women Friends
A study carried out by Dr. Geoffrey Grief of the University of Maryland, author of the book ‘Understanding Male Friendships’, found that there were many men who professed to enjoy platonic relationships with women. Of the men surveyed, 75 percent claimed to participate in platonic relationships with females, with only 25 percent restricting themselves to the platonic company of men.
Dr. Grief explained that the shift in social boundaries and gender roles had allowed the emergence of the cross gender relationship phenomenon saying, “Even today, these friendships can have ambiguous sexual boundaries.”
Cross Gender Friendships “Enriching”
However, psychologist Christopher Ryan, co-author of the upcoming book ‘Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality’, argues that the question is too black and white. “Of course men and women can be friends. A little psychological sophistication would leave most adults capable of negotiating these situations. And in the final analysis, these are the friendships that are the most enriching of all – those that involve a bit of reach.”
Women’s Passionate Friendships
Contrarily, Dr. Terri Apter, Senior Tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge, argues that the issues lies in the misconception of a woman’s passion for her relationships – a passion that is evident in her friendships with women as well as men. She stated. “Female friendships are well-known for their passionate nature… but for some reason, there is a general cynicism about passionate closeness between a male and female friend.”
Dr. Apter explained that each friendship is created by those who share it, and the boundaries are set by the individuals within their relationships. For this reason exchanges that may be seen as platonic by a male and female friend engaging might be judged otherwise by outside observers.
A Good Idea – In Theory
Whether platonic friendship between men and women actually exists or not, it would seem that both genders are keen to believe in the possibility of its existence. However, anecdotal evidence suggests that whatever the intentions involved, a close cross gender friend can often prove to be a bone of contention once one of the parties to such a friendship becomes involved in a committed relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment